dear cosmic space chickens

dispatch #76

I started in my usual way if a day late, but I have no desire to finish that dispatch. It had no rhythm. No grace. Just a ramble. I think that is because I’m feeling such a contrast between my lovely life and the horrors going on in the world that my spirit is numb.

The sweet-peas I raised up from seeds are setting out their fragrant blossoms in the most astounding colours.

A baseball coach from NYC starts to cry when he recounts how there wasn’t one person from the crowd gathered that would stand beside him as he protected his young players from ICE agents.

I had a wine slushy in a swanky winery in the Annapolis Valley with an old friend.

Our premier is trying to give the mayor more powers so as to avoid the wishes of a woke council.

I met a yard worker today who patted Bella and said ‘she’s seen her years hasn’t she?’ a gorgeous phrase I’ve never heard before.

I begin to comprehend the evils of artificial intelligence in a way I didn’t just yesterday.

There is a hummingbird right now at the feeder.

The wild fires out west are the worst they’ve ever been.

My air tickets to Paris arrived today.

A young friend has had her money tied up with an online bank who won’t release it.

I walked out to the middle of the Minas Basin when the tide was out looking for heart-shaped rocks with my pal Linder.

I start thinking that perhaps citizens should shoot any ICE ass-holes that show up in their neighbourhoods and maybe so many wouldn’t think the work benefits so great (maybe just in the leg – I am a pacifist but I’m wavering).

I dream I’m swimming with Linder and two dogs – neither of which are our particular dogs. It is so nice to travel by water.

I have the sickening feeling that I shouldn’t put so much hope in our new Prime Minister.

I’m inspired by the landscapes I saw in the Annapolis Valley to create a series of paintings.

Do you see?

Someone in substack wrote about this and said that it was cognitive dissonance. I’m not sure it is, but I’m willing to look more closely at it. Here’s some words on the issue from Wikipedia:

Relevant items of cognition include peoples' actions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, and things in the environment. Cognitive dissonance exists without signs but surfaces through psychological stress when persons participate in an action that goes against one or more of conflicting things. According to this theory, when an action or idea is psychologically inconsistent with the other, people automatically try to resolve the conflict, usually by reframing a side to make the combination congruent. Discomfort is triggered by beliefs clashing with new information or by having to conceptually resolve a matter that involves conflicting sides, whereby the individual tries to find a way to reconcile contradictions to reduce their discomfort.

What is my conflict? Maybe that I’m not allowed to enjoy my beautiful life – my friends, lover, pets, nature – when there is so much suffering going on. Think I’ll look to my Buddhist dharma for this one. Here is The Lion’s Roar on suffering.

According to Buddhism, we living beings are trapped in the cycle of existence known as samsara. In samsara, we wander aimlessly and experience unbearable suffering—day and night, year after year, life after life—because of the tight grip of our grasping at self. In order to heal this disease-like condition, first we have to find its cause, and then we apply the medicine-like path of training to restore our original good health, which is enlightenment.

What has this to do with cognitive dissonance? As a Buddhist I’m constantly held to the flame of two truths – called the doctrine of two truths – the absolute and the relative. This doctrine holds that there are two ways of viewing our world. One is how the world appears to be, and the other as it truly is. The relative world is how we conventionally experience our world. The absolute world is inexpressible, empty and luminous. Samsara arises when I believe only in the relative or material world. Everything appears to be its own self. Things appear to be permanent and independent. That duality causes suffering. It isn’t that we go around like cosmic bliss chickens – the material world needs to be understood, but not believed. Or it is important not to take refuge in something which is a delusion. This is complicated to talk about because the ‘absolute world is inexpressible’ but you know it when you feel it. It is what love is I believe.

Many years ago, long before I became a Buddhist, I was travelling back with my family from a trip to the beach. My partner, Robert, was driving in his usual over-aggressive style, my youngest son, Cal, had a sunburn and was being vocal about it, my eldest son, Jess, was trying to deal with our dog, Libby, who was puking from drinking seawater. Our friend, Howard, a Rain Man sort of person, was recounting how many people had been at bingo the night before, in his surprisingly pleasing monotone. I had sand in uncomfortable places and a bit of hay fever. Despite or because of this, I suddenly felt a deep wave of absolute goodness wash over me. I would say that I experienced a kind of ecstatic euphoria which was completely separate from the circumstances. I saw the world in that moment as it truly was – empty and luminous. Samsara and nirvana were one.

dear readers,

don’t leave me feeling like I’m writing into the void. Let me know on this page that you liked what you read (only if you did) or comment about how you are surviving these perilous times or restack this. You can do all three but mainly I’d like to hear something from you, my reading and writing community. Don’t be shy - any response is fine, but silence is a bit killing.